Uber Execs Konmari Their Org, Lay Off Employees That Do Not Spark Joy
1455 MARKET STREET, SAN FRANCISCO — On a cloudy night in San Francisco, barely a week after their IPO, a group of Uber execs gathered in a conference room to KonMari their orgs by laying off employees that did not spark joy in their lives.
The executives were seated together in a conference room with frosted glass walls. At the front of the room, a screen displayed the profile of an employee with their name, picture, and latest performance review.
“Does this employee spark joy in your lives?” asked an HR employee seated at the head of the table. The room was silent.
“Alright,” said the HR rep. “We should set this employee aside.” The HR rep swiped the profile to the left and a new profile came up.
Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi was inspired to declutter his org after watching “Tidying Up With Marie Kondo” on Netflix. As he watched Ms. Kondo help families sort through piles of cast-off clothes and detritus, he realized how closely their cluttered houses mirrored Uber’s cluttered org, and that the path to Uber’s profitability would require “tidying up our headcount in one fell swoop.”
As the execs finished tidying up their ICs, they moved onto middle management. Some employees were easy to sort — one senior manager in particular drew a chorus of, “this employee sparks joy in my life” and a swipe to the right.
Others were much more difficult. When the profile of a director popped on-screen, the room responded with a collection of “meh’s.” However, the director’s manager, a VP, was more hesitant. “This one has sentimental value to me,” she said.
“It’s OK to get rid of something you are sentimentally attached to,” said the HR rep. “Every employee has a soul. The KonMari method involves giving thanks to this employee for their service to mark the end of our relationship. In that way, we can release them without guilt now they have outlasted their usefulness to the company.”
The room of executives said, “Thank you for your service,” as they swiped left.
Later, as security escorted a line of employees out of the building, the execs vowed to be more intentional about hiring in the future in order to keep their orgs tidy. At press time, the execs had imposed a hiring freeze and were looking into implementing an innovative new system known as “stack ranking.”
